Updated:
August 25th 2008
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August 4, 2007I hate Zac Efron.
Seriously, I hate him. If you don't know who he is and you were too lazy to click that link to his IMDB page, let me educate you. Efron is the kid who became a star overnight thanks to his leading role in Disney's made-for-tv musical, "High School Musical". Now, I thought the movie was pretty lame, just a cliche plot with cliche music for a musical. But thats what I get for watching it in the first place. He more-recently had a large role in "Hairspray" as Link Larkin, the main girl's heartthrob.
Now, my hatred of him doesn't necessarily stem from these films, no. I liked 'Hairspray' and really, I think he did a good job in both films. My problem with him (if it's not already evident) is his name.
Zac.
Sounds similar to someone else you know, don't it?
"LOL!!!11! ZAC OMG UR SO WIERD IZNT IT GUD HEZ MAKIN DA NAME MORE POPLER???/??11/1/1/!?/1/???!11!!!!"
NO! It's NOT!
Ok, so yeah, "Zachary" and other forms thereof aren't entirely unpopular, I know this! And there have been plenty of other famous Zacharys, Zackarys, Zackerys, Zaqueris, Zacks, Zachs, and Zaqs, and that's fine. But the fact that he SPELLS it EXACTLY like mine and is getting popular is highly unsettling.
With his name being written on the covers of such respected publications like "Tiger Beat" more and more, his, excuse me, OUR name is getting out there more and more. So what's going to happen if and when Efron, like all other young celebrities these days has a nervous breakdown and goes crazy? I can just see it now:
"Pictures of Zac Doing a Line of Cocaine off Asian Male Hooker's Chest Circulate on Internet"
"Zac Arrested After Being Found Watching Kids in Kindergarten Through Drilled Hole in Wall"
"Zac blah blah blah..."
He'll ruin the name! And yes, I'm completely aware that right now he's done nothing to sully the Z-word, but honestly, how long is it going to be until he does? It won't be long until girls start coming up to me, clucking out "OMG LOLZ U SPEL UR NAME LKE ZAC EFRON OMG HEZ SO CUTE TEEHEE BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAAAWK *lays an egg* LOL!!!11!!1"
Add to this, I was born 8 months before he was, which means I was a grade higher in school and therefore was taught things like spelling and stuff much earlier. It wasn't until I had to write my name on papers in like, first grade that I decided going by "Zac" would be benefitial because it's unique and would help distinguish me from the other "Zachary" in the classroom. So really, it was most-likely mine first.
So we must find a way to stop this kid before things get out of hand and he ruins "Zac" for not just myself, but all the other Zac, Zach, Zacks, and so on!
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May 15th, 2007
I thought about updating, but then I didn't.
Just kidding. Well, kind of. I don't have any ideas for a good update, but I felt I should at least say something on here to acknowledge that I'm not dead. I'm not going to say anything new about why I haven't been updating because it's all the same stuff really; lack of ideas/time/interest. Plus, updating is just such a pain in the butt. I don't update my gallery because I have Facebook photo albums for that, I don't post videos because I can YouTube those. Oy! It seems Zac has found a new mistress.
But really, I'm going to try to update some this Summer, at least once. We all know I won't, but I'll try. I've only been saying I'll update again for the last year or so. Maybe I'll just overhaul the website completely. We'll see. Just keep coming back, even though I'm sure it's pretty likely that this update will still be at the top of the page in 6 months.
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November 30th, 2006
Ok. I'll say it. I suck. Seriously guys, as you can tell, it's been a loooooooong time since I last updated and really, I have nothing to say as an excuse. Part of the time I was busy, another part of the time I was lazy, other times I just simply forgot.
Which, it's a real shame because I had a really good idea for Halloween, but, alas, time didn't allow.
So I really don't know if anyone checks this anymore, and if you do, I'm sorry for the disappointment. What I may do soon is switch the opening page here to be more of an index for the menu bar to the left, so that way my lack of updates aren't nearly as obvious. We'll see.
But I don't know when I'll update this again. I'd like to say "soon" but I've said that many times and not followed through, so I don't want to feed anyone any more lies. But I will try.
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August 15th, 2006
Hahahaha, well, it had been my intent to update this website more over the summer, but as we can all see that didn't happen. I really don't know what my excuse is... it's not that I've been busy, as this has been a relatively boring summer... it's not that I can't think of anything to update with. Well, it kind of is, but to be honest I just haven't put forth the effort to try and think of any updates.
So I apologize to anyone who might still check this website, I wish I had updates for you. Maaaaaybe (probably not) once school starts back up I'll find myself in more of a routine to crank out some stuff.
My good pal, and ZacPensol.com supporter, Liam Conroy, came up with some groovy suggestions for updating the website, and I will probably use them in the future. The problem, I guess, is just lack of motivation I guess. Stupid website. BLAHAAA!!!!
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July 5th, 2006
The good:
Fourth of July, Click, (probably) Pirates of the Caribbean 2
The bad:
Superman Returns, this website
It figures that when I have time to update, I can't think of anything to say. But yes, I'm still here. If anyone wants to suggest some stuff for me to talk about, just e-mail me... please.
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June 5th, 2006
Websites are stupid.
It's summer and I have all the time in the world to update this here website, yet, I've got nothing... my well is dry. I have nothing to talk about.
However, today, I did think of a cool idea. The news is boring, right? I mean, sure, it's informative, but usually it's boring to hear, and even more so if you're trying to retell it to someone. So why not tell the news like you're setting up for a joke? I mean, who doesn't like to hear a good joke? So you just pretend you're setting up a joke, then at the end, reveal that there's no joke at all. Here's an example:
Alright, so there was this dude, and he decided to himself one day that he's gonna rob a store, right? So he grabs a gun and ski mask and went to the nearest 711, walked up to the counter and says to the clerk, "I've got a gun, give me all your money." Well, the guy explains that he can't open the register without the guy purchasing something and so the dude grabs some tic-tacs, slams them down on the counter, and says "Here" as he pulls out his wallet to grab a $1. So while he's fishing the $1 out of the wallet, the clerk observes his driver's licsense and sees his name, remembers it, and when the guy eventually gets the money and heads out of the store, the clerk just calls the cops on him and gives them his name. So they eventually catch the dude and he gets put in jail.
Mind you, you have to read that in the context of a joke being set-up, but you get the idea. Try it.
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May 11th, 2006
Everyone loves a good Gay Boy Cartoon Butt, right? Well I sure hope so, because according to Google, I now have my name endorsing all sorts of gay butt cartoon sex foot boy young nice websites. I was bored last night and so I Googled my name, only to find tons of results on topic with what I just mentioned.
Here's a link to the Google results. Warning, proceed with caution (unless, that is, you're into that sort of thing) http://www.google.com/search?q=zac-pensol&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&start=90&sa=N
Now, I haven't actually clicked on any of those websites, but from the looks of it, it just seems to me that they're some of those list sites that keyword just about everything that is searched for on Google just to draw attention to their website.
However, I find it rather interesting (and disturbing) that the ONLY pages that come up are some how in regards to gay boys, haha. I don't know if Google is trying to imply something or if the websites just found some common word between this website and theirs, but all the same, it's a rather intriguing happening.
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April 27th, 2006
Gosh darn it, having a website sucks. I hate it. I want to get rid of it. But I maintain, just for you guys. If anyone wants to start updating it for me, feel free to.
Anyways, now that summer break has officially started, I'm really going to try to update more. I apologize for the lack of updates for the last few months, but I'm just going to blame it on my girlfriend, that's easier than carrying the responsibility myself.
Like I said though, Summer is here, and to many people, that means many things... warm weather, pools, vacation, no school, etc. But it also has it's downsides: skin cancer, higher travel-related fatalities, and worst of all: annoying women in the passenger seats of SUVs putting their feet on the dashboard and then passing you on the interstate.
You know what I'm talking about, we always see them the second the the weather turns warm. Sometimes they put the nasty feet up on the dash, other times it's out the window, but they're always there and they ruin my summer.
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March 22nd, 2006
... sorry for the lack of updates, folks. I'm beginning to understand how John Lennon felt when Yoko Ono came into his life.
So anyways, I guess you all are expecting a good update. Well, sorry to disappoint, all my updates suck. I mean, come on.
But really though, I want to talk about my bubbes. Yes, I am a guy with bubbes, and I'm proud of it. I have two bubbes. They're a bit saggy, but still fun to play with. Sometimes they get sore and need to rest a bit, but even then I love my bubbes. When people try to touch my bubbes, I get kind of upset. I mean, I guess if it's someone I know well, it's ok, but if not, then I really don't want them touching my bubbes. A lot of women lose their bubbes to things like cancer and such. I hope nothing like that happens to my bubbes. I don't know what I would do if I had to part with one or both of my bubbes. People may think my bubbes are gross to look at or just flat out weird, but as I said, I love my bubbes and always will.
Oh yeah, "bubbe" is yiddish for "grandmother".
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February 13th, 2006
First and foremost, the Contest results are up!! Check HERE!!!
Now let's get down to business. Valentine's Day is tomorrow and us grown-ups have a dilemma; when you go to the store, you see all those little Valentine's cards with Ninja Turtles and Sponge Bob on them that little kids give out to each other. Sure, those were fine when we were children, but these days, we'd just be laughed at if we gave those out. However, the only other option is buying those expensive real cards. Due to their price and size, you just can't buy a lot of those and give them out to people like you would the other cards.
Well, never fear, for I know your woes and am here to save you! I have made some more appropriate Valentine's cards with our kind of pop culture icons! Below are individual links to them for you to link to friends online, or there's also a full page that you can print and cut out.
You're a Rush to My Heart, Valentine
Valentine, You're a Real Head-Turner
And here's the full-page of them all. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
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January 4th, 2006
Happy New Year, everyone!!! Not going to make this a big update, just wanted to mention to everyone (in case you haven't noticed) that to start off the new year, I have a new CONTEST going on, with PRIZES!!!!
Click here to find out how YOU can 'Go Ape for ZacPensol.com!'
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December
24th, 2005
All the kids on the internet liked updates a lot,............................................ But the Zac, who always claimed to be too busy, did NOT!....................... The Zac HATED Updates! The whole Update conception!....................... Now, please don't ask why, no one can answer THAT question............... It could be his hair was combed and pulled too tight.................................. It could be, perhaps, that he hated the website.......................................... But some think that the most likely reason of all.......................................... May have been that his brain was two sizes too small............................... But, whatever the reason, his hair or his site............................................... He has just one message to you for the next couple nights:
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!
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December 20th, 2005
Christmas is just a few days away now, and that means that it's time for the annual CHURCH PLAY!! Hmm, I don't seem to detect much excitement coming from people. I wonder why? Maybe because church plays are one reason people don't like Christmas.
Really, I don't want to sound like I'm bashing church or anything, but come on, I don't think I've ever seen a church play that had much effort poured into it. They're all the same: People dressed up as Mary and Joseph sit perfectly still and stare at a baby in a 'manger' while somebody reads the story of Jesus' birth. Then when it gets to the Wisemen, a bunch of little kids dressed as them walk up and stand by the manger. Then you just have a bunch of really little kids dressed up as animals, and that's about it. Usually there is a LITTLE bit of variation, but from what I've seen, it's never enough to make the play enjoyable to anyone aside from the parents of the kids in the play.
For decades, people have been whining about how the TRUE meaning of Christmas is slowly being forgotten, and really, I agree, it is. Christmas is becoming too commercialized and people are forgetting why we celebrate it to begin with. Many things are to be blamed for this really; greedy corporations, the government trying to de-Christianize the country, but also, I think church plays contribute. Think about it: many people who don't regularly go to church will usually go to the Christmas services, which are when the churches do the play. So then these usual non-church goers have to sit and endure a boring play that they have nothing to do with and they're just being told a story that everyone knows anyways. So then when they get home, no one wants to think about the meaning of Christmas because they associate it with that play, so then they put more emphasis on the other aspects of Christmas: food, family togetherness, gifts, snow, kissing under the mistletoe, etc.
How do we fix this problem? Well, anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy a good play when I see one, so maybe completely getting rid of the plays isn't the answer, but really, will someone encourage a deeper plot for these things? You can still tell the story of Jesus without making it boring. Have it involve time-travel or something cool.
Speaking of mistletoe, I was reading the other day that so many people hoard it around this time of year that it's facing a risk of becoming extinct. However, I've never been anywhere around Christmas and seen mistletoe anywhere. Maybe I don't look up enough, or maybe people just make sure to take it down before I arrive so I won't go around trying to smooch all the ladies. Which is good thinking on their behalf, really.
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December 12th, 2005
Alright, so the Christmas season is in full swing, and that means one thing: time for Christmas cards. Some people go to the store and buy cards, while others sit at home and make them. However, does anyone remember the days when you could go to the store to make them? If not, allow me to refresh your memory: several years ago, places like Wal-Mart and various other stores, had these big machines made by Hallmark called "Create-A-Card". You would walk up to the machine, go to work on a little touch pad where you decided the look of your card, as well as what text would appear on it, and then finally OKed it. Then, something magical would happen. The machine would spring to life and below you, behind a little glass plate, you could see your card being made! First there was just this white paper, but then this weird little colored needle would come out and just start scribbling out the design you'd just selected. It was AMAZING!
But now, the beloved Create-A-Cards are no where to be found! I mean, sure, it makes sense that they were discontinued, as home-printing cards gained in popularity, but surely I'm not the only person that misses them. Sure, it took me several years to even realize they were gone, but man, I have so many memories as a kid just sitting and watching the machine spit out those cool cards. On some occasions, I would even be able to talk my parents into letting me make one for no reason. Like this one time, I made my grandma this great card that had Ren & Stimpy on it. On the front, it said "Grandma, they say great minds think alike." and then on the inside, "Does your butt itch too? Love, Zachary." Man, those were the days. I bet my grandma misses getting those awesome cards just as much as I miss making them.
So where have the Create-A-Cards gone? Did Hallmark grab them all up and destroy them, or maybe there are still a few out in the world? Whoever disposed of them is certainly trying to cover his tracks, as there is hardly any mention of them on the internet, and I can't find any pictures of them. All I have is this sketch, done from memory:
I'm sure there are lots of people in the world that do, infact, miss these great machines. The buzzing sound of them working was not just the sound of a few gears turning... it was the sound of joy, because everyone gets joy from a custom card! It was also the sound of unity, as people, not knowing one-another, would gather round to see the card being made! Even people who never used the machines miss them, like my good friend, Brooke, who says, "Even if I never actually printed one of those cards, I really do miss making fake "Happy... whatever" cards... it's kinda sad."
Well said, Brooke. Well said.
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November 15th, 2005
Man, socks
really freak me out. I HATE socks. Always have, and always will. Yeah, I wear
them, but I certainly do not enjoy it. And my socks don't bother me, but other
people's do. Especially if they're colored. And even worse; TOE SOCKS! Grah!
Gloves go on your HANDS, not your FEET. WHY would you need to identify your
toes while wearing socks? And gosh darn it, socks are made to seperate your
feet from your shoe, they're not meant to be walked around in. It's so nasty
when I see someone wearing dirty socks because they just pick up all the crap
you walk around in. And nothing is worse than stepping in something wet while
wearing socks.
And get this: why do I always find lone socks just laying around? Seriously, there are so many instances where I see a single sock laying in the grass or on the sidewalk or on the side of the road. They're closing in on me.
Really though, have you ever had to touch someone else's dirty sock? Is that not the most disturbing thing ever? A clean sock is always sock and nice, but a dirty one is somehow crunchy. It's like, it's no longer a sock, but rather, a piece of footwear made of torilla chips. *shudder*
So please, I beg you, if you ever see me in person, do not expose your socks to me. Especially if they're dirty, colored, or of the toe persuasion. That's one thing I actually like about college: all those sock-less flip-flops.
--- on another note, I've yet to get any pumpkin pie. Come on people!!! PLEASE!!!
Oh, and check this out: http://necaonline.com/sincitynews53.html I recently placed 3rd place in Neca Toy's Sin City costume contest. Thats how I really look too, every other picture you've seen of my face was a lie.
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October
12th, 2005
Ok, so Tuesday I was sleeping in late at home because I was off from college for Fall Break. So, yeah, it's about 8:45 am and I'm laying in my bed, asleep, and then the phone rings. Well, just out of routine I get out of bed, walk over to the phone, pick it up, say hello, and head back to bed assuming the person will be done talking to me shortly. After my "hello?" I'm greeted by a friendly man's voice that says "Hello, is this Zac Pensol?"
"Yep." I reply.
"Hello Zac, how are you doing?" he asks.
As I reply back with my usual "I'm good, and you?" it dawns on me... this is no friend of mine, this is no family member, heck, it's not even a wrong number. In the last few years I have become well-acquainted with this guy, he is, the one and only...
Military recruiter!
"I'm good, thank you. So what have you been doing since summer?"
"Well, I've been going to college at the University of Louisville."
There's a brief pause, then, "Oh, you're in school? Then why are you home?"
So I explain to him the concept of Fall Break and stuff, and he fakes an interest. Then he hits me with the inevitable proposal:
"Well Zac, I'm calling you today to talk to you about joining the Marines. Has anyone ever talked to you about joining the armed forces before?"
I wanted to reply back "Mill-uh-tear-ee? Shoot dang, what's that? No one has ever mentioned the military to me before!" But I couldn't lie to a guy that's probably gonna die for my freedom, so I told him yes.
In a nutshell, I spend about the next 10 minutes trying to make it clear to this guy that I have no interest what-so-ever in becoming a casulty of war for this stupid thing that's going on overseas. He never seemed to get it. Finally it boiled down to him telling me he'll call me back in December when the school semester is over. Then he asked me if I wanted to answer a brief questionaire for him and I said no and he got all mad and was all "You don't have time to take a 2-minute survey for me?" Nope. Then I hung up and went back to bed.
Military recruiters are so annoying. Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for a person that joins the military, it takes guts to do that. However, what aggrivates me are these putzes calling me at 8:00 am trying to peddle their ideas on me. Ya know, I don't care if Ed McMahon is calling me to tell me I just won a giant check... if it wakes me up, you've already lost me. If the military wants me, they need to call me at a conveinant time for me.
Frankly, I don't care if it'll make me an 'army of one', or if it'll pay for my college or whatever... I'm doing just fine where I am. If I need money for school, I'll apply for scholarships. If I apply for a scholarship I may not get the money, but at least I'm not increasing the potential that I'll be called to go to Kuwait and have my head shot off by some dude that doesn't want me trying to take over his country. Being an army of one ain't gonna do me much good when I encounter an army of one-hundred. I'd rather have an army of pie. Pumpkin pie.
Speaking of pumpkin pie, it's my favorite dish this time of year. If anyone wants to make me some, I will give you some kind of recognition here on my website. Maybe even a prize.
So yeah, I support our troops, but I don't support our troops calling me at 8:45 am on my fall break to try to get me to join the army.
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September 1st, 2005
eHarmony. You see those cursed commercials all the time, right? Well I got sick of hearing that guy talking and so I decided to try it out, just to see if my "soul mate" was on there. So I spent forever filling out this super long questionaire, each question bringing me closer and closer to meeting "the one". Finally I finished and I happily hit the "Submit" button, and this is the message I got:
"Unable to Match You at This Time
eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants to fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.
We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."
So Dr. Neil Clark Warren can't find me a lady. That jerk. Building up my hopes and dreams only to rip my heart out and step on it? That jerk. Maybe I should steal his wife just to spite him.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not joining all sorts of dating websites in a last desperate attempt to meet a lady. Sure, I don't have a gal, but it hasn't gotten to the point to where I seriously want to try these dating website just yet. However, I have to admit, it is a rather lonely feeling to think that on probably the world's largest dating site there isn't a single person that comes close to matching me. Weird. Oh well, maybe it's not just me, you should give it a try and let me know on the forums what your results are.
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August 7th, 2005
Bah, yeah yeah lack of updates, whine whine whine. Sadly, I have been terribly busy the last week or so (and I actually have for once!), so I haven't had a lot of time to sit here and work on the site. Well, I have, but..... well, you'll see. The secret page tells what I've been up to, but it's a secret, muhahaha.
Anywho, something else I've been busy doing is.... oh, how do I say this?.... MEETING BRUCE CAMPBELL, b-movie actor famous for starring as Ash in the Evil Dead movies, as well as being on such shows as Hercules and Xena, and he was even in both Spider-Man movies (Ring Announcer in #1, Snooty Usher in #2). He recently went on tour to promote his new book, Make Love!* *the Bruce Campbell Way and new film Man with the Screaming Brain, which he directed, wrote, produced, even starred in. On his journey, he came by Lexington, which is about an hour away, and thankfully my good pal Bill found out and told me he was coming, so on Thursday, August 4th, Bill, myself, and my other pal Nathan journeyed to meet him.
However, before we left, there was the issue of what I wanted him to sign. I wanted to make something, but I couldn't think of any good pictures to draw or make on computer... then Bill made me want to have him sign something original (Bill had him autograph a chainsaw blade), so I didn't want to take him a DVD or movie poster... so I thought long and hard about it and finally thought of something that could both be made by me AND it was an original idea. What did I do? Well, click here to see.
So anyways, we got to Lexington, bought copies of his book, bought tickets to see him, then sat for about 3 hours while he signed autographed for the 7,385,279,398 people in front of us. Finally we got up to see him, where he commented on never signing a paper sack before, grabbed the puppet's mouth and made it say "Shop smart, shop S-Mart.", and talked to Nathan and I while signing my stuff. Then he shook our hands, and it was over.
After that, he finished his signing, had a brief Q & A where he mostly made fun of people asking dumb questions, then went on to introduce his movie, which he then screened. It was an alright movie, nothing great, but wasn't complete crap either. It was VERY b-movie, but that's what was cool about it. If you see it come on TV and there's nothing better to do, I recommend watching it.
Speaking of bad-but-good movies, I saw Dukes of Hazzard last night. Not sure why, but it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be. It had some really funny parts and wow, Jessica Simpson was total "fwoar". If you want to see an awesome movie that's perfect in anyway, then you shouldn't even consider this film. But if you want to see Jessica Simpson in just about every hot article clothing you can imagine, then 'Dukes' is for you.
But don't see it when there's a chance of lots of others being there.... at least if you live around Kentucky. I don't think I've ever been in a room so full of "shoot dang"ers before in my life. Every time something funny happened I would hear about 1000 "hee-yuks" all around me. It was creepy.
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July 27th, 2005
Extended Endings: Part 1
The other day I was digging up ex girlfriends in my backyard and I came across something: a key. Upon the key was an address which led me to a vault out in the middle of the the California desert. Inside this vault I found something more magnificant than the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Covenant combined. Yes, I found reels of film containing extended endings to classic hollywood movies. See, what we saw in theaters was only half the story... what I uncovered where extensions that were cut and thought to be destroyed. But someone hid them, and I found them, and now, I share with you.
The first one I will show is an extended ending to Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. As we all know, the film ends with the ghosts of Yoda, Obi-Wan and Anakin smiling and looking on as Luke, Leia and the other Rebels celebrate the defeat of the Empire. However, before the credits were to roll, there was this:
Stay tuned for Part 2 in just a few days.
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July
20th, 2005
As always, first I have my movie recommendation. Today it's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This movie is really good, but soooo different that what we're used to.
On to the news: I'm sure you all can recall the allegations a while back that Sponge-Bob Squarepants is a homosexual... well, here at ZacPensol.com, I knew this long before anyone else, and what a lot of people don't realize is that it was thanks in part to this website. If you don't believe me, checkout the '05 Archive at the bottom.
So the other day I decided to once again, check up on our old pal who lives in a pineapple under the sea. My private eye, "Oyser" took his nightvision camera and snapped the following pictures on the night of July 17th, 2005. Consider this your warning:
Though some would say it's Sponge-Bob's right to be how he wants, all I have to say, and I think I speak for everyone else, is.... "ick."
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This page was getting too junked up, so I made an archive for it all in the Misc Stuff section.
