ZacPensol.com!

ARCHIVE: January 05 - April 05

April 8th, 2005

I want to announce a major turning point in my life. The other day I was going through my daily routine... emptying my pockets, channel surfing and checking my e-mail when something caught my eye...

An e-mail from one badboybryanlynn@aol.com with the simple subject, "Hello". I clicked to read it and guess what it was......

MY FIRST HATE MAIL!!!!

Yes! This is truly a remarkable day for me. Here's the hate mail for everyone to read. Now BadBoyBryanLynn has quite a mouth on him, so I've had to censor him out a bit, but you get the point. Feel free to e-mail Bryan and make him your buddy.

"Zac,
Are you gay or what? Your website sucks d--k it is worthless and in case you have not noticed nobody gives a flying f--k about you or your website so do us all a favor and blow your f--king brains out you b---h"

Thanks for your support Bryan Lynn! To answer your question, no I'm not gay, I'm sorry. And yes, I HAVE noticed that no one gives a flying heehee about me or my website, thats why monkeys like you that I don't even know check my website. As for blowing my brains out, I've actually been trying to for a while but this darned hair dryer is only so powerful. I'll keep you up-to-date on any progress though. Thanks for e-mailing me!

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March 27th, 2005

To many, Easter means dressing up nice and going to church, or going outside and hunting eggs, or eating lots of candy. But for me, it's a day of contempt. A day of celebrated bitterness. For what or whom, you may ask? Hatred for none other than him... the Easter Bunny.

"OMG ZACK!!!11 Y ON EATRH WUD U H8 TEH EASTR BUNNY?!?!/1/1/1/1////111111?"

Why? Allow me to reflect back several years ago... I was but a small boy, looking forward to that Sunday morning when I would run into the living room and find a giant basket full of toys and candy and tricks and goofs and what not. So when that day finally came, I was overjoyed! I darted out of bed, woke up my mom, and rushed to the living room to see a beautiful basket in front of me! I was ready to tear into it, but mom halted my unwrapping for a brief moment. She wanted to let my sister, who couldn't have been any older than 1 or 2 at the time, start opening first. So there I sat as my little toddler sister slowly opened her basket with the assistance of mom. The first thing she withdrew was a Barbie doll! A Barbie Doll! The Easter Bunny had brought a 2 year old a Barbie doll! Why, if he would bring her such a great gift, then oh, would could be awaiting me?! I couldn't hold back any further... I ripped open that yellow plastic, tossed away any candy in my way, and then I saw it.... my toy... my gift equivalent to my infant sister's Barbie Doll...

...a Ken doll.

Being that I was just a kid at the time, I knew my ninja skills weren't attuned enough to unleash my fury in an affective manner on my family, so a simple "HE GOT ME A KEN DOLL!!!!?" blasted from my mouth. I threw the savage toy to the ground, furious that the giant man-rabbit that I once loved so much would betray our relationship like this. A Ken doll! Why would he get me such a goofy gift? Had I been bad that year and he was picking up Santa's slack? Did I do something to make him think thats what I wanted? What went wrong? Nothing. I knew I had done nothing to deserve this! I determined that the Easter Bunny was just a bitter bitter Santa Claus rip-off and he was unleashing his anger at the world on me; a poor undeserving child. Upon later questioning of my mom, she suggested that he probably saw it when he was getting my sister the Barbie and thought I would see it as a G.I. Joe.

WELL I'M SORRY MR. BUNNY, G.I. JOE'S DON'T COME WITH A LITTLE SKIPPER DOLL!!!!!! MY MOM ISN'T BAILING YOU OUT OF THIS ONE!!!!!!!

So yes, I am still bitter to this day. Whenever I am walking in the mall and I see that man-rabbit-creature, it takes all I have in me to resist hopping on his back and breaking that thing's neck. Which, it would do the world some good, because you see the way kids cry when they see him. Why the heck does a large man-bunny like that exist? Is he the result of some ninja-turtles-esque experiment gone-wrong? Or maybe there's a whole population of them? Wherever he comes from, he sucks and deserves every bad thing that happens to him.

It's also a terribly funny irony that today on my way to church I saw maybe, 6 dead rabbits on the side of the road. Little jerks had it coming.

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March 7th, 2005

The other day I was teaching some kindergarteners and I demanded that they draw some pictures of what they want to be when they grow up. Sure, I got a bunch of crap like "I WUNT TWO BE A FIR3MAN" and "I WANT TO BEE A ASTRONOT", but I also got some cooler, more interesting ones, and here they are...

Aren't they so sweet?

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February 13th, 2005

So a few weeks ago, I guess it was a Friday, I was sitting at work (I work in a computer lab) with my chum Bill when his buddy Emily IMs him. She and some pals were going to a city about an hour away (there's a HUGE movie theater there, all the ones around here suck) to see the flick 'Closer' the next day and wanted to see if Bill wanted to come along. Bill, ceasing the oppurtunity to hang out with some chicks said yes, and then went on to invite me. Well, I didn't really want to see 'Closer' that much, especially since that same theater was also showing 'The Phantom of the Opera', of which I've been a fan since probably, 3rd grade. I went and saw it on stage, as well as owned it's soundtrack, I went as the Phantom one year for Halloween (yeah, I was a strange kid.).

Anyways, so I accepted his invitation to go with them the next day, but I would just see a different movie. However, this posed a dilemma. My movie was about 45 minutes longer than their movie, and I didn't really wanna see it by myself, that would suck. So then I had an epiphany! An online friend of mine who lived about an hour away from me (I will refer to her as Gladys) had been wanting to meet me, so I figured I'd ask her to meet me there. I looked up the movie time, it started at 7:00, so I told her to meet me at 6:45.

The next day, a bit before we left, Bill's friend called him and informed him that her friends wouldn't be coming along, so we needed to pick her up. After missing the house a few times, we found her and got her, and during our car ride, the two of them decided to see Phantom with me. We got to the theater about 6:45, quickly got our tickets, and went in a began the waiting process. It got to about 6:55 and I was getting worried, so I called Gladys and she said she was almost there. I told Emily and Bill they should go on in and save some seats for us, they did, and I continued to wait until about 7:05 when dun dun da duuuuun! Gladys walks in! Now, keep in mind, at this point, I had not seen this as a date at all. This was two friends meeting up. Well, Gladys didn't see it that way apparently, because the way she talked it was quite obvious that she wanted me to pay for her ticket, and me, trying to be a gentleman, went along with it despite having next to no money in my wallet (I had like, $2 left after buying her ticket). So we went out to get in line and guess what, it's now outside. So we get in line, luckily she'd brougnt two friends who were holding line for us, and progressed through in about 10 minutes (it was now 7:15, 15 minutes after the movie was to start). So I walk up to the ticket booth, lay down my $8 and say "One to Phantom of the Opera, please!"...

"We're sold out." says she.

Just before I could turn into the incredible Hulk and start smashing stuff, Gladys turns to me and says "Well, you can go on and see it without me if you want." and though I knew it would be quite rude of me to do such, I fully intended to go along with it. However, I was still paying for her ticket, so I asked her what she was going to see.

"Uh..... I dunno, you decide!"

Bah! So I look for a second, and not wanting to hold up line anymore or be any later for my movie, I say "How about White Noise?", as it had not started yet and thats what her friends were seeing.

"Ok." she says, and I begin to hand the gal at the booth my money when suddenly I hear Gladys...

"Can he exchange his Phantom ticket for a White Noise ticket?"

Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever really wanted to break someone's neck? Egh, anyways...

"Yes" says the chick behind the booth. So I reluctantly hand her my Phantom ticket and money and get two 'White Noise' tickets back. And mind you, I did NOT have any interest in seeing that movie. If I'd known I'd be seeing whatever movie with her, I wouldn't have suggested 'White Noise' by all means. But I figured, hey, it might be ok, besides maybe she'd been wanting to see it, so that would be nice at least. However, fate would have it's last laugh, for just as we were walking through the doors, I hear Gladys once again chime in:

"You'll like this, it's good."................................. The monkey had already seen it!!!!!!!!

So yeah, then we went and watched that craptacular movie with the sucky ending (Michael Keaton's character dies, who saw that coming?!?!?! And yes, I just told you the ending, but I didn't ruin it. The hour and however-many-minutes before that ruined the film enough.) and came out and had to wait 45 minutes for my friends to get out. They got out, we all stood in awkward silence for a bit, and left.

This story does, however, have a happy ending, as I got to see 'Phantom of the Opera' the next week anyway and it was great.

But as for the moral of my story? Thats for you to decide. It could be "Don't see 'White Noise'", or perhaps it's "Don't call upon an online friend to meet you at the movies just so you'll have someone to talk to"

Oh, and the big 1-8 is in 5 days! Woot! Cigarettes and tattoos!

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January 24th, 2005

Recently, many people have been up in arms claiming that SpongeBob Squarepants, beloved cartoon character to many children, promotes homosexuality. The creators of Spongebob have laughed off this claim saying that the little porous yellow lad is nothing more than a happy-go-lucky.

Well, they're wrong.

A friend of mine who lives near Bikini Bottoms, who we will just refer to as "Oyster" decided to follow SpongeBob one night, here's his journal:

8:02 pm... Subject leaves Pineapple house, walking to Patrick Star's residence. Patrick answers, they go inside his home.

8:14 pm... Subject and Patrick emerge, walk into town.

8:27 pm... Subjects arrive at movie theater, Patrick pays for 2 tickets to "The Seahorse Whisperer"

9:48 pm... Subjects leave theater, holding hands, walk to park.

9:52 pm... Subjects arrive at park, stargaze

10:17 pm... Subjects leave park, walk home.

10:32 pm... Subjects arrive at SpongeBobs house. The following pictures detail the events:

10:36 pm... Subjects enter house of SpongeBob.

10:45 pm... with little or no movement occuring in the last 9 minutes, "Oyster" leaves.

Well, I think that oughta clear things up.

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